Final Fantasy 8: My Way
by Miklusca
Summary: This is my own twisted way of telling the game. Disc one is done. Should i continue?
1. Default Chapter

Final Fantasy 8: My Way Disclaimer: Square Soft owns this. I do not own this or anything else. I don't even own my own pair of underwear!!! *Cries* All: EWWWW!! O_O'  
  
Note: This has cursing, Yaoi, violence, you name it, just not explicit sex scenes. So this is my attempt at making the game funny. So try not to gag too much.  
  
Chapter one: Stupidity Opening scene:  
  
Rinoa sees a flower pedal hovering and grabs it, instantly she bursts into flame.  
  
Rinoa: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" She runs back and forth flailing her arms around until a freak storm comes and drenches her. Rinoa: "OW!"  
  
Seifer and Squall are fighting. Seifer: Why the hell are we fighting again? Squall: That dude over there paid us to. *Points to President Bush* President Bush: Well I need someone to have a war, so the economy will never recover. MWUHAHAHAHA! * In a flash of light he is gone. * Seifer & Squall: Dude where's our money? Seifer is so mad he walks into a rock, slashing him across the bridge of his nose. Seifer: Shit!! Squall: *Bursts out laughing* Seifer: Oh yeah! * Slashes Squall* Squall: Bitch! They continue to wrestle until they fall off the cliff and are sent to the Infirmary.  
  
In the Infirmary.  
  
Squall: * groans* Dr K: I see your up. How's your head? Squall: What? How the FUCK do you think it feels! Dr K: O_O' . Right hurts like a crack hoe without her supply Squall: ?_?". Dr. K: Never mind. So say your name for me. Squall: It's John, you know my fucking name.! . Dr K: Ok grouchy ass! I'll call your slut of an instructor. Quistis it think her name is. Squall: ... Dr K dials the phone. Dr K: Blah your student, blah cut, blah injured. Blah blah blah. Squall lies back down and looks at the mirror on the wall besides the bed. Squall: Who the hell would but a mirror in the infirmary? Just then a mysterious girl walks in. Mysterious Girl: So we meet again Squall Squall: ???? What? Oh Christ! Don't tell me I actually do have a baby after passing out from that binge drinking?! I am not going onto one of those stupid talk shows! MG: ????????* Walks away* What a retard Squall: Shit! *Thinks about all the scenarios Quistis walks in. Quistis: I see, I thought it was that dipshit Seifer. Squall: No. Quistis: Well, come on class isn't going to wait while you screw around! Squall: BITCH I JUST GOT INJURED AND YOU WANT ME TO SLOWLY DIE FROM YOUR STUPID ASS CLASS!!!!? Quistis: *Runs to her classroom crying* Squall: Smiles and then sees 2 female students.* Hey ladies, wanna see my Gunblade!! FS: *Squeals in delight Garden Faculty: Sir you're late for class, unless you want to show us your Gunblade? Squall: *Shudders, then runs away as fast as he could without setting the Garden on fire  
  
I know this is dare I say Moia Stupida. Reviews welcome. Flamers also welcome I guess. 


	2. Chapter 2:

Disclaimer: Again I don't own any of this, well just the stupid parts. *Cries at own stupidity*  
  
Chapter 2: A ding ding here, a ding ding there  
  
Classroom Squall: *walks in and sees Quistis at her desk Quistis: you're late! Squall: I know flog. Quistis: Ok, now blah field exam, blah blah blah blah....more blah's Students: *Drools from the brain-damaging lecture. Quistis: Ok, oh and Seifer don't injure your partner while training Seifer: ??? Oh. OH! Weapon training. Got ya. Squall. _ . Class: *Cricket is heard chirping Quistis: Right now class is over now get out or I'll have to teach you how to play Blitzball. Class: NOOOOOOOOOO!! NO MORE!! *Students run out scorching the carpet Quistis: Squall wait right there Squall: Goddamit! What! Quistis: Have you been to the Fire Cavern? Squall: Uhhh.no. Quistis: Do you have any excuse? Squall: Yes, I just didn't feel like trying to fry my ass after having to hear stupid prattle, class's, and all the other shit I have to live with!!! . . '' Squall: I mean...Whatever. *Under breath. * Whore! Quistis: Well meet me by the front gates. Squall: ...* Slaps her in annoyance*  
  
Squall walks out leaving Quistis crying in the classroom, when he gets run over by a girl on a scooter. Squall: X_X Selphie: Oh my God!!!!! Not again!! Squall: Kamamaha Bitch!! *Throws Selphie and her Scooter through the wall with the Kamamaha Wave. * BWUAHAHAHAHA!! Squall: . *Runs away when a siren starts wailing. Hallways  
  
Squall: *Goes into each classroom to piss off Quistis. Reads a couple of magazines, beats up a few people and manages to fondle Seifer in the Training Area.  
  
Front Gates  
  
Quistis: What the HELL took so long!? It's been nearly 5 hours! Squall: I kinda got held up Quistis: )_(' Just get the hell going! Squall: !o! Outside Squall: The hell? I'm as big as the Garden. I AM LORD SQUALL, BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP ME AND NO ONE WILL DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Quistis: *Slaps Squall Squall: Sorry, just ALL THAT POWER!! Quistis: Smacks him again* Squall: *Punch's her unconscious. ......Bitch!!  
  
Quistis regained conscience and they walked and ran into a T-Rexaur. Quistis: Squall remember R1 for the trigger the same as the Limit Break Squall: ??? I KNOW HOW TO USE MY OWN FUCKING WEAPON, HOW DUMB CAN YOU GET!!!!!!!? T-Rexaur: Hey Homies!! Quistis and Squall: ????? Just then Barney comes in All: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Squall: This is worst than her class!!!!!!!!!! Barney: I luv u, u luv me... T-Rexaur, Quistis & Squall: *Beats Barney to death, dismembers him then hides his body and tells each other not to say a word. Fire Cavern  
  
Squall: CHRIST!!! Finally!! Quistis: Now let me show you how...*Sees him walking away. What a prick! Faculty #1: Set a time limit. 30 min 10 min or 1 second Squall: I'll take 10 minutes Faculty#2: Ok. Which size condom would you like? Squall: FUCK OFF!! *Walks in Quistis: *Follows  
  
Inside Quistis: Blah.blah.blah Squall: Shut up! They finally get to Ifrit's place Quistis: Now Squall be careful Squall: *Flips her off and goes up and Ifrit drops down Ifrit: Who the hell?! Oh Christ what do you want!? *Looks at Squall Squall: Stop looking at me like a Sex Doll Ifrit: Sorry, you just look so shagadelic Squall: O.O. Lets fight  
  
Enter battle scene Ifrit: Fear ME!! Squall: Yeah right. *Summons Shiva who kicks Ifrit in the balls with her Diamond Dust Ifrit: BITCH! Shiva then beats the crap out of him Jackie Chan style. Ifrit: Ehhhhhhhh... Shiva is dismissed Ifrit smacks them around a few times Squall: Enough of this shit! Renzokuken!! *Uses his limit break and Ifrit is left whimpering Ifrit: I will join you, please protect me!! *Grabs Quistis, looking at Squall and starts sucking his thumb Quistis: Fine  
  
Winner fanfare plays  
  
Squall: What the hell was that? *Looking around for the music Quistis: ?_? What are you talking about? Squall: Never mind, lets get out of here. They quickly run out of the Cave and to the Garden.  
  
Quistis: Ok now there was something I needed to tell you, oh..*sees him walking away. Quistis throws a rock at him. Squall: OW! WHAT!!? )_(. Quistis: *Whimpers. Umm change into your uniform and meet at the Directory. Squall: I'm fucking sleeping first Bitch! Selphie: *Screams* Get out of the way!!!!!! Runs over Squall again on her Scooter Squall: X_X Quistis kicks him then runs into the Garden Squall then wakes up and spots Selphie Squall: DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Gatling Gun!!!!(Does Vegeta's move ^.^') Selphie: X_X. *Gets rushed to the Infirmary Squall goes and uses the Directory to transport to the Dormitory and goes to sleep  
  
Ok so let me know what you think. I already have a bit done. ^.^ Me so proud!! 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing, if you sue; I only have a half eaten candy bar, some lint and maybe a paper clip. Chapter 3: Oooooooooo... Morning  
  
Squall gets up and changes into his uniform, then heads out and sees Quistis at the Directory. Quistis: Good morning and we will be ready for the Field Exam soon. You will be paired up with...Zell Dincht. Squall: Can't I switch? Quistis: No Squall: He's no annoying, always swatting around. If he would take a bath those flies would leave him alone. Quistis: Uhhhh.. he's shadow boxing not squatting flies. Squall: O.O.Really? Then why does he smell like shit? Quistis: He doesn't, it's his aftershave. Squall: ....Whatever. Quistis: Oh there he is now...Zell over here! Zell does a couple of cartwheels and flips. Squall sticks out his leg and trips Zell sending him flying through the door into the girl's bathroom. Soon you could hear Zell yelling in pain and girls screaming. Zell was thrown out covered in bruises and such. Zell: Man!! That was SO scary! I never knew women were so strong! Quistis: *Slaps Zell Zell: Whimpers* See! Squall: Shut up! Zell: Has heart eyes* I'm getting paired up with you?! Oh yeah my day got a whole lot better! Squall: ?_?. Zell: So I heard you and Seifer had a big fight, heard he whooped you good Squall: Zell you don't know shit so shut up! Quistis: Ummmm..you guys that Seifer your talking about is your group leader. Zell: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..... Squall: Shut up! Zell: ...OOOOOOOOOOO! Seifer walks up and slaps Squall ass. Squall punches him to the ground. Seifer: @_@ Quistis: Ok now that the leader has arrived Cid will speak. Cid: Ok ..blah..blah.blah 2 HOURS LATER Cid: and blah. You may now go All: *Drools and collapses Seifer: Ok I'm the leader so don't get in my way Quistis: Seifer shut up and go screw your cow! Seifer: How dare you say that about Squall! Fuijin, Raijin beat Quistis right now don't put her on the list. Fuijin and Raijin rush on the whimpering and cowering women.  
  
The Parking Lot After getting into the car and leaving Quistis unconscious they head to Balamb to board their ship heading to Dollet Seifer: Nuzzles Squall* That bitch had no right calling you that! Zell: O.O'. What the hell?! Seifer gives him a glare that almost made him sterile. Zell: Whimpers and curls into a little ball in the seat. Balamb  
  
They drive and Squall tried to run down many but wasn't lucky, they park at the harbor. Quistis: Ok now everyone in the boat. Seifer: How the hell did you get here before us!? Quistis: It's a secret, now get yo asses in! *Cracks her whip at them They run in except Squall who stared at one of the older SeeD's SeeD: What? Squall: .....*Kicks him in the balls and runs away giggling SeeD: Why God?! Why!? Once inside Xu starts talking about the mission. XU: Blah. Blah.blah. blahlahblhablhlahblhablhalhbblahalahblhablah....ok now all you have to do is wait till we get there.*she leaves and accidentally trips over Squalls bag and falls into the ocean Xu: *screams Squall: Has anyone seen my bag? Everyone: No  
  
Zell: Squall let me see your Gunblade? Squall: .... Zell: Come on Squall: Fuck off asshole!! Zell: Tch fine! Seifer: No one sees his Gunblade but me! Squall: He means my weapon dumb ass! Seifer: Oh. Ok that's fine. ^.^. Squallykins! Squall: . '?  
  
10 Minutes later Zell: Man this is so cool! Seifer: It's boring Chicken Puss! Zell: What!? Seifer: *Snickers Zell: Man I'm getting nervous Seifer: Well better not shit your pants, I'm not going to change your depends Zell: Who told you?! All: . Cricket: Chirps then starts to laugh Zell: DIE!! *Stomps on the cricket Cricket: X_X  
  
Seifer: Squall why don't you go up and see what's going on Squall:..No Seifer: I'm the leader so you have to do as I say! Squall: Gets up* You may be the leader here but in the bedroom I'm the leader. As for ordering me around like that...no Yum Yum (AKA ...uh I guess FUN-wink wink) for a week! Seifer: starts begging* You wouldn't do that?! Squall: *Smirks Seifer: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Squall leaves Seifer crying on the floor and goes up to the deck thingy, whatever the hell it is.  
  
Squall looks at the map and looks around, sees a marooned man. Man: Oh thank God, help me young man! Squall: takes out his Gunblade and shoots the mans head off. * There you go no more suffering for you ^_^. * A Mermaid is sunbathing on a rock; Squall takes picture before "Helping the poor creature". Kills some other things at random that were 'suffering' also.  
  
I know this is short, just don't want to make it too long. Just don't tell the tutus I'm here. All: O.O'' 


	4. Chapter 4:

Disclaimer: Same ol, same ol. Squaresoft is so lucky! By the way if I'm spelling some stuff wrong that's not in the spell check please tell me. Thanks.  
  
Chapter: 4 I think? You mean they actually think?  
  
They crash through a wall and land on sand sending Squall off the deck thingy.  
  
Squall: @_@.Ow! Quistis: No go to your position, the Central Square. *Points dramatically All: Such a fucking drama Queen!  
  
They run up a pair of stairs and before they could get into the city a group of guards catch them  
  
Battle: Guard #1: Ooooooo yeah! Now that the underage strippers arrived the PAWTAY can now start! Guard #2: )_(' You ass there SeeD's that came from Balamb and is going to screw this all up! Guard #1 &3: AWWWWWWWWWWW!!! *Kicks the ground in disappointment Seifer: What a bunch of retards. No Mercy! *Does his No mercy Limit Break Guard #1: Bitch! *Collapses and fades away Squall: Whatever, yo Diablos get your ass over here! *Diablos appears in his black of swirly stuff Diablos: You didn't have to sound like an ass, you could have asked nicely Squall: Sawwy ^.^' Diablos: Dark Messenger! *Does his special Guards go down and fade The Winning fanfare plays  
  
Squall: Where the hell is that shit coming from?! *Looks all around for the music Seifer and Zell: ?_?. We don't hear anything Squall: Whatever.  
  
They make it to Central Square and wait, and wait, and wait Seifer: Man this is so stupid! What do they think we are dogs that can be trained?! Squall: Roll Over! Seifer rolls over. Squall: Good boy! *Pats him on the head and gives him a treat Seifer: sees Zell looking at them* Don't even ask Zell: Turns around pretending not to have seen that* The dog barks and they hide watching many soldiers run by. Seifer: Ahaha. They're going for that tower Lets GO! Zell: Aren't we suppose to stay here? Squall: slaps Zell and goes to Seifers side* Lets go little Bitch Seifer: *Smirks at Zell and they leave Zell: Wait for me! I'm too small to be alone around all the groups of military men, who know what they will do to some one as innocent looking as myself. Seifer: O.O. *slaps him  
  
They run along fighting until they come to a man. Man: Help monsters, all over.AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!*Gets eaten by a Python monster. Zell: Weren't we suppose to help him? Squall: Probably. Monster: Your next! Squall: Hey I'll give you a pound of marijuana and a rock of coke if you leave us alone Monster: Deal! *The monster gets stoned and they leave They go on until they see the tower.  
  
Seifer: Ok now we just get in. Man this has been one of my dreams, to break into something big and shiny. Squall: Dream? Seifer: Yeah, but you already know my Romantic Dream *gropes Squalls ass Squall: Yes, I know it really good by now Zell: What are you guys talking about?* sees where Seifers hands are* Uhhhhhh.. Seifer: Shut up!! Why don't you take a bath so those flies will stop. Zell: The hell!!!!!!!! Seifer than jumps the cliff Seifer: Squall, some day I'm going to show you my REALLY romantic dream*he then goes into the tower Squall: Whatever...  
  
Girl: Hey!! There you guys are! The girl trips and falls, then gets up as if nothing happened Squall: It's you!! You're the one who keeps running me over with that damn scooter! Selphie: I'm so sorry!!! *Gets on her knees and starts crying for forgiveness Squall: ....Whatever. But if you do it once more..*takes out his Gunblade and points it at her head* I will make this go Bang Bang got it? Selphie: Nods and stops crying and gets up* So where is the leader? Squall: *points to the tower Selphie: Oh man, well I'm going to get him *she then jumps the cliff and falls on her face All: *laughs Selphie: Turns around with fire in her eyes and her voice is demonic* STOP LAUGHING!!!! All: ... Selphie: *All cheery again* Come one you 2 get down here! Squall: Where taking the scenic way  
  
Zell and Squall walk the long way around Selphie: Took you long enough, it would have been sooooo faster to just jump am I right? Squall: What and land on our faces like you did? No way Selphie*mutters* prick Squall: I heard that! Selphie: EEP! *Hides behind Zell*  
  
Just as they are about to enter the tower Guards run out and Seifer chases them. Seifer: Dicks! Come back here and fight me! *Runs back inside Selphie: Come on the leader is getting away! Zell: I don't want to. Squall: Go your self! Selphie: If you don't your score will go down and you may not graduate, and plus women love brave guys Zell: Well what are we waiting for? Squall: Geez. *Makes a whipping noise  
  
They run in and fight 3 soldiers. The winning fanfare plays. Squall: Where the living shit is that coming from?! Selphie: @_@' Zell: What the hell are you talking about? Squall: Every time we win a battle, there's some stupid music that plays All: @_@. *Chirping is heard Squall: What? Selphie: Do you hear voices also? Squall: Well sometimes.SHUT UP! *Walks away onto the lift Zell: Bonkers I'd say *Whispers to Selphie Squall: Get the hell on or DIE!!! They race onto the lift Selphie: This is Major Super cool! Zell: Don't get too excited and fall off, you'll get squashed like a pancake. Selphie: Like I'm really gonna *gets pushed off by Squall Selphie: AHHHHHH!!! Zell: *Helps Selphie back on Selphie: What was that for?!  
  
Squall: You won't shut up.Hey Selphie was size bra do you take, a C? Selphie: Why yes as a matter of fact.....HENTAI!!!!! *Kicks Squall in the balls Squall: *_*. THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE PAIN OF IT ALL!!!!!!  
  
On top of the tower 2 guards are pissing around with wires and crap The tower shakes as the huge satellite disk goes flying up smashing a plane in half. Passengers: NOOOOOOOOO!!! WHY GOD WHY!!!!!!!!!!?? The plane explodes. The on ground control watches. High Ranking Faculty Member: Shit!!! I think that was our fault! Ummmmmmmm, I mean...terrorists!! Yeah it was terrorists! Goddamn you Bin Laden! Crew: O_O'  
  
Meanwhile... Squall: Who are you and what are you doing up here? Guard: I should ask you the very same question Bitch! Seifer cuts off the mans hand with his Gunblade. Seifer: No one, and I mean no one can speak that way to him!! Squall: . . . ' BWT: Lets get it on!!!!!!!  
  
Battle BWT: I'm going to kick yo asses to the next millennium Selphie: Oh please. Quezacotl! *Summons Quezacotl Quezacotl: Arrives* Alright who interrupted my bubble bath!? All: . ' BWT: BWUAHAHHAHAHAA!!! A stupid pigeon is going to fight me!? BWUHAHHAHAHAHAHA! Quezacotl: Bitch! Fine! Thunder Storm *Does her/his special BWT: OWWWWWIES!!!! *Collapses Zell: Lets go!! Press R1 to escape Squall: Backs hand Zell* Shut up stoner! They run away. On the slope thing they hear the BWT coming for them. Selphie: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They run down. Squall: Better walk or else we'll stumble Zell: Too late! Zell stumbles and knocks them down, the BWT jumps them.  
  
Battle Squall: Zell you clumsy little dyke! BWT: HAHA! Got you assholes! Squall: ) . (. Ultima!! *Casts a Ultima spell BWT: Goddamn it!!!!!!!! *Collapses They run again and somehow make it across the bridge. Squall: Yo dog you better run or else you'll get squashed. The dog takes a crap then runs, the BWT doesn't see it and slides into a building killing some of the people in it.  
  
People: AHHHHHHH!!!!! *Building explodes with body parts raining down. *  
  
They run to the beach and sees their boat. Selphie and Zell already jumped in. The BWT hit Squall sending him flying onto the sand. Squall: You BITCH!!! LETS GET IT ON!!!!  
  
Battle: BWT: FEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!! Squall: No way I fear the dark more than you. BWT: BWUAAAAAAAAAA!!! ) . (. DIEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Smacks Squall a few times Squall: Alright I had enough! Renzokuken! *Does his limit break with the ending Lionheart BWT: HEY!! Your not suppose to have that yet! Your only suppose to have your 1st gun! *Dies Squall: I cheated ass!!! It's a little wonder called the Gameshark!  
  
Winning fanfare plays Squall: *Spots the orchestra and grins evilly Orchestra: *Stops playing and goes to run Squall: OH NO YOU DON'T!!!!!!! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! *They run away before he could get them Squall: I'll get you!!!!!!! *Jumps onto the boat and they sail away to Balamb. 


	5. Chapter 5: ?

Disclaimer: You know, I do not own this.  
  
Chapter: 5 Pink  
  
Balamb  
  
Lands at the dock and they exit. Seifer: Man that sucked! Raijin: Are you ok? Fuijin: SAFE? Seifer: Yeah. But being a leader is hard. All those people asking me for drugs is sad. Squall:. Seifer and his posse leave. Quistis: Where's Seifer Squall points to where they went Quistis: That ass wipe! Anyways you have some free time, just make sure to be back for your tests in a half hour. Zell: That's not much time! Quistis: Shut up or do I have to whip ya? Zell: I'll be quiet. *Cowers*  
  
They leave and see Seifer taking the car.  
  
Zell: Oh great how are we gonna get back now? Squall: Ever heard of walking? Selphie: That's like 20 minutes away! Squall: Get your lazy ass's going NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! They run as fast as they can, managing to only run over a few children and a squirrel.  
  
Balamb Garden  
  
Zell: Finally made it! Selphie: Really! I think I'm going to take a nap before getting our test results. Squall: Whatever.  
  
Squall is about to go to his dorm when the announcement bell rang.  
  
"Will all the students participating in the Field Exam please come to the 2nd floor."  
  
Squall tries to go around. Garden Staff: Didn't you hear? Go to the 2nd floor. Squall: Enough! *Bitch slaps the guy GS: I'm telling!! *Runs off crying  
  
"Will all the students.AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Squall strangles the announcer.  
  
Squall: Ah peace!!!! *Skips to the 2nd floor ^ . ^  
  
They wait, wait. Squall: Zell stop pacing! Zell: I'm really nervous!! Squall: * Smells something and sniffs at Zell and yells* Zell did you shit your pants!!!?? All: *Stares and backs away Girl: I thought I smelt something nasty! Boy: I know! I thought it was something else! All: Gags! Zell: I did not!! *A pile plops out of his pant leg All: *A massive flood of vomit floods the floor Screams can be heard Garden Staff #2: Uhhhh..I'm going to make this quick..Selphie, Squall Leonhart.and for some reason Zell Dincht, you all made it. Now clean this up before we have to blow the Garden up! Seifer: Aw man I didn't get in again!? This is the 6th time now! *Smells the stench and goes running Zell is left alone to clean the mess, he takes a bath and makes sure to wear his depends as he goes to Headmaster Cid's office.  
  
Cid: Blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah.. Here are your reports. Cid- Whispers to Selphie: Can't wait for the Garden Festival, but it wouldn't hurt to add some poles and dancing women. Cid-Whispers to Nida (some guy): For Hyne's sake get some pants on! Cid-Whispers to Zell: Try to control you emotions and DON'T SHIT YOUR PANTS!!! Man how many times do you have to be taught! Cid-Whispers to Squall: Finally a Gunblade master, even better in more way than one! Squall: ???. What the hell are you talking about? Cid: Oh nothing. Your all dismissed. Yes Squall is there something you want? Squall: Yes is it true that you have cameras in the locker rooms to see students and then sell them to children porn companies? Cid: Squall how could you ask such a question?! Now get going I need to go to a meeting. Squall: * Whispers* I'm glad I take my showers in my room.  
  
Cid then goes to his meeting. Cid: Gentlemen, we need to be careful for now on! Now I'm asking 2,000 Gil for this tape of ladies? Gentlemen #1: How old? Cid: 15 Gentlemen # 1: Too old.  
  
Squall goes back to dorm room and takes a nap. An hour later some loud pounding is heard. Squall: WHAT!!!? Selphie: It's almost time for the Ball!! You need to change into your SeeD uniform Squall: Fine... Changes. Selphie: Ooooooo!!! That was a nice show!! Squall: What? Selphie: Now lets PAWWWWWWTYYYYYY!!! Get stoned, drunk, and whatever might tickle my fancy. Squall: * Points to the writer* I'm going to kill you for making this so damn boring!!!!!!!!!  
  
See how much Squall likes me? ^.^ Squall: You suck!!! *Cries* 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: You know it by now.  
  
Chapter: 6? At the Ball Couples are dancing and all that happy crap.  
  
Squall grabs a bottle of Jack Daniels from the waitress. Waitress: Sir you can't have that!! Your only 17!! Squall: Hey than why are you serving Champaine to minors than huh? Waitress: Ummm...Headmaster Cid we could, he also wanted the showers open just in case also. Squall: @ _ @.. Ewwwwwwwww!!  
  
Selphie: Hey Zell, wanna join the Garden Festival? Zell: Ummmmm....no. *runs off Selphie: Squall wanna join the Garden Festival? Squall: No. Selphie: Aw come on? Squall: Go take a shower in the locker room than come back. Selphie: Ok! Squall: MWUAHAHHA! One more for Cid's collection.  
  
Squall stops and sees a shooting star. Squall: Wait, that's not a star, that's..a huge meteor!  
  
Meanwhile Meteor: OOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhh yeah!!!!!!!!!! Time for smashy smashy!! Destroys many towns and kills plenty o people.  
  
Back at the Ball Rinoa goes up to Squall Rinoa: Hey you're the best looking guy here Squall: What!? Are you stoned or something? Rinoa: No. Come on dance with me. Squall:.... Rinoa: Oh I see you only dance with people you like. Squall: What? Shut the hell up, why are you just talking to yourself? Rinoa: * Punch's him in the face than drags him out onto the dance floor* They stumble around managing to mangle the other dancers. Random Guy: MY LEG! OH MY LEG! Rinoa: I'm sorry, I should have told you I can't dance! Squall: .....That would have helped Everyone starts doing the Macarana Squall: --_--...How embarrassing! Rinoa spots something and goes off screaming, the whole party begins screaming and running.  
  
Zombie Barney: * Eyes glow red and voice is morphed* I have found you!!!! Now let me introduce you to my posse! The Teletubbies!!!! BWUAHAHAHAHHAA!!! All: NOOOOOOOOO!!! WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS!!? Z Barney and Posse: Time for you to DIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Battle Teletubbies: KILL EVERYONE!!!!!!! Z Barney: EAT THEIR FLESH!!!! All: EWWWWWWW!!! O _ O  
  
Squall: Hey!! Your dead! Aw well. MASENKO HA!(Does Gohan's move ^_^') Z Barney: HAHA! That won't work on me!!!!!! Squall: Fine. *Takes out a Exorcism kit and performs an Exorcism on Barney* Z Barney: YA BASTARD!! I'LL SEE YOU ALL IN HELL!!!!!!!!!!! *Explodes in a blinding light Teletubbies: NO!!!  
  
Selphie: Hey how about this!!!? *Runs all the teletubbies down with her Scooter Teletubbies: X_X They cremate the Teletubbies so they won't come back  
  
Winning Fanfare plays Squall: Alright already!!!! *Starts shooting anyone holding an instrument* All: . . OW! That hurt! Quistis: Well that's what you get for being an ass! Squall: God, go screw a wall!  
  
Squall leaves and Quistis decides to go with him.  
  
--Sorry about such a short chapter!! My computer died so sorry for the lack of updates. And thank you for the reviews Yuri and Cherry6124!! ^_^. Anyway I hope to get more 


	7. Chapter 7:

Disclaimer: I don't own any Final Fantasy, Dragon Ball or anything else for that matter.  
  
Chapter 7: Whoo Hoo!  
  
Outside the Secret Area  
  
Mysterious Girl: AHHHHH! Quistis: Let's go, we have to help her! Squall: Ok... The old Batman song is heard. Nanananananana BATMAN! All: --_--; MG: Quisty! Squall! Help me! Squall: It's that girl from the Infirmiry. Hey your not pregnant! MG: Of course not retard, come and help me! Jut then the huge bee monsters flies at them.  
  
Battle: Huge bee monster(Can't remember name): What the hell is going on?! I just came out to get my morning paper and your dissing me! *Smacks them all then goes back into his house* Quistis and Squall: What the Hell!? @_@'  
  
Recluctant fanfare plays. Squall: That was stupid. White SeeD guys: Common we have to go, it's time for your Meds. They take the Mysterious girl away.  
  
Quistis: Who the hell was that? Squall: Some girl I forgot to tell you that I've seen in the infirmiry, just forgot to mention it earlier. Quistis: Well go to bed now. Squall: Fine, I'm tired anyways. Squall goes and falls asleep, having to have a night light on, and Quistis goes into Cid's office and watch's the boys bathroom tapes. After "enjoying" the viewing she heads to her room for a shower and then bed.  
  
Morning (Again?)  
  
Squall hears a knocking on his door. Squall: I'm sleeping!! Selphie: We have our first mission! Squall: Just give me a few more hours! Selphie: Come one! After 2 hours of begging a bunch of ghouls like Dracula, The Mummy and so on break into his room and drag him out of bed. Ghouls: He's naked!!! *Just then a whole bunch of fangirls run in and take pictures of the bewildered Squall and then leave.* Squall: *Covers himself with his blanket* I'M GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ghouls: Oh shit!! Squall kills the whole mess of them, fix's his door, gets dressed and finally comes out of his room.  
  
A Faulty Staff comes up. FS: You are to meet by those stupid door thingies. Squall goes and is met with Selphie and the perv Headmaster. Zell comes crashing on his G Board or a giant Vibrator, you be the judge. *_*'. Zell: Shit!!! It's outta control!!!!! * He then runs over the Faculty Staff, making him a juicy mark on the pavement.* The kids from South Park run in.: Oh my God! You killed Kenny!! You Bastards!! *They then run to the candy store* Squall:..So just the 3 of us? Cid: I suppose, no one else wants to work with you guys. I mean who want to be around someone who shits his pants. *Points to Zell* Someone who acts like they take heroine. * Points to Selphie* And someone who's a homicidal maniac! *Points to Squall* Squall: MUST KILL! MUST KILL! Selphie: *Kicks him in the balls* Stop that!! Squall: @_@ *Falls over* Cid: Alright here's your mission. Your suppose to help some retards in Timber. They will ask "So I heard the porn shop burnt down." And your suppose to say "Hope it wasn't the Boy Love Magazines." Squall is up and they all look at the writer, then back to Cid. Cid: Oh and here, it's a cursed thing. *Attempts to give a scary looking dildo. Selphie: I'll take that! Cid: Here's the real thing Squall. Squall gets some funny looking lamp, it's suppose to be for Diablos, but he already got him. Thanks Gameshark, you changed my life!  
  
They then leave for Balamb Train Station. They hear rapping in the forest and who should appear, then the 7 smoke cracking Dwarves. Dwarves: Yo! Has any of yo fine looking self's seen a girl called Snow Hoe White? All: No Dwarves: Man how are we going to get it now! She's our supplier! Yo guys don't have any crack or anything on yo would ya? Squall: Here's five pounds of Marijuana for only 500 Gil! Dwarves: Oh yeah! * They pay and go away* Zell: Squall! Squall: Don't worry, it was only some leaves mixed with oil and dog shit. Zell: Oh. They than enter Balamb.  
  
So what do you think? Hope you like! ^_^. And thank you Dark Mage Natalus for the review! Til next time. Hope to get more reviews! 


	8. Chapter 8:

Disclaimer: Me own nada  
  
Thanks for the help, I do have a walkthrough, mostly I'm just being an ass. But thanks! ^_^ Chapter 8: Mama Baby!  
  
They enter Balamb and heads towards the item shop. Some prostitutes were hanging by the door. Prostitute: Hey cutie, how about a good time? *Zell stared with huge eyes* Squall: Probably not, he prefers to have hot dogs screw him *The women stare at Zell* Zell: Hey! That is not true! *Squall held up a Polaroid where Zell is going down on one hotdog and another was up his ass* Zell: What the fuck!? I made sure no one was around! All: @_@ EWW! Squall puts the picture away. Squall: Ok lets go in Zell: Cant I get them? I don't want anyone to see them! Squall: Don't worry there safe Zell looked relieved and went in  
  
They bought the usual Recovery/Status Recovery Items, plus batteries (Selphie .) and a copy of Serial Killer Monthly (Squall ^.^) Zell: Lets go see my mom  
So they went to Zell's house, which had a bunch more "women" hanging around. Zell's mother meets them, she was wearing a halter top, mini skirt and thigh high boots. Zell: Mon, Squall and Selphie are here also, where going on our first mission! Ma Dincht: Oh that's wonderful! Zell we need a new sign. It's going to say Ma Dincht's Shaggin Wagon! Selphie: This is a whore house !? Ma Dincht: Of course, I'm the leading lady. Selphie and Squall look at each other. Ma Dincht checked out Squall Squall:.What? Ma Dincht: Squall I need your help for a minute. *Squall shrugs his shoulders and followed. Ma Dincht jumps him and makes sweet sweet love to him. Back downstairs Mama fixed her cloths and placed her hair back to normal.* Squall: Oh..lets go *Mama blows a kiss to him as they leave*  
  
They finally leave but then an Ice Cream truck hits them, along with loads of children chasing it. They get up after the prostitutes use Phoenix Down and Potions on them. Squall: That bastard!! *Takes out a bazooka and blows up the Ice Cream truck. Children cried over the loss of the ice cream. Squall skips to the train station as Zell and Selphie were afraid, very afraid.*  
  
They get to the train station and see a women, standing wearing all red. Women: I am the Card Queen! I take cards to my father! *The police show up* Cops: Not another one! Damn druggies! *They load the drugged women in the back. A blonde haired drug dealer comes up to them* Drug Dealer: Hey man, whatever you want I got! I got poppers, uppers, downer, there cheap and of high quality! (I really don't know much about drugs. .) Selphie: No. Were SeeD's. So get that shit out of my face! *The blonde dude backed up, then a red haired man showed up* Drug Dealer: Wakka! Baby how are you doing? Wakka: How do you think I am Tidus!? I've been cooking over a hot stove ya! *They continue to bicker walking away*  
  
They go to purchase their tickets Guy: That will be 3,000 Gil Squall: What!? That's a rip! Guy: Well no money, no ticket! Squall: We have money, That's just too fucking pricey just for a stupid one way ticket! Ummm.. hey come here for a minute. *When the guy comes they beat the shit out of him until they were given free tickets. All three skipped into the train*  
  
Hope you liked it! ^_^. Be sure to check out my Yu Yu Hakusho stories also. 


	9. Chapter 9:

Disclaimer: Again and again and again. I don't own Americal Idol or anything else that obvious  
  
Chapter 9: Mioa Stupid Dream  
  
They entered the train, it started and lurched forward. Selphie: Open! Open! OPEN the fucking door! *Selphie screams and bears fangs* Squall quickly uses the tickets and jumps away. Zell and Squall watches her leave. They enter as well and Zell goes into the SeeD cabin. Zell: Whoa! Dude! They have pornos! *The door closes and Squall goes up to Selphie. She's singing about crap* Selphie: Crap Crap! Come out today! If you don't I need prunes or I need to douche! LALALALA Squall: Shut up! You totally suck! Right Simon? Simon from American Idol: Man! I never heard such shit before! Now that dress, WTF were you thinking!? Especially with brown boots, common? You also need to loose 10 pounds As for you a fur collar on a leather jacket?. Squall: Ok that's enough. *Throws Simon out a window and gets smushed by a rail. SIMON IS DEAD! YEAH! PARTY!!* Selphie: That was sooo mean! I don't need to lose any weight!  
  
Squall enters the SeeD cabin to get away and sees the magazines. A Pet Pals and a Hot Dog Cooking. Squall: Those aren't pornos. Zell: Uuh! Squall: Put that away! *Gags. Zell zips up his shorts* Zell: it wasn't what you think! Squall: Shut up!! *Looks around then.kicks Zell across the face* Zell: WTF!.*Unconscious*  
Selphie comes in wobbling and holding her head. Selphie: I feel tired, and horny! *She falls unconscious* Squall: Must be drugs. *Kicks Zell a few times, then poses Zell and Selphie touching each other. Giggles* Squall: Oh Shit! *Unconscious*  
  
Dream  
The 3 men was wondering around, running over a log and looking over a clift. Black Guy: Don't tell me, we're lost again Laguna! Laguna: *Laughs* Kiros don't be harsh. Ward isn't complaining Ward: That's because you're an idiot Kiros: Anyways. Where's the map? I want to get to Deling City soon. Laguna: I traded it for a porno *Kiros bitch slaps him. They drag the crying Laguna where they find a car* Laguna: *Stops crying* I'll hotwire it! Kiros: Hey! * Too late, they all hop into the stolen vehicle*  
  
Deling City  
Laguna sideswipes a few cars and runs over a solider telling him to stop. They hop out. Ward: Laguna, we can't park here! Laguna: Lets go all out tonight. (Squall: WTF? Am I dead?)  
They run around the city and found the pub. They run in and Laguna falls the rest of the stairs. Laguna: @_@. Shit! That hurt! Waitress: Do you want your regular table? Laguna: Huh? Kazoo is that you? Oh, I mean, Lets take a load off. They sit down and talk many ass wipes walking around.  
  
Kiros: Laguna, I bet Julia will be here. Laguna: Man! I want to bone her so bad!  
Jus then a women in red-obviously Julia walks on stage and starts playing the piano. Ward: There she is go talk to her. Laguna: She's working man! Kiros: Stop being a bitch! Laguna starts walking on stage, but bodyguards come and beat him. Laguna limps back to the table where his "buddies" are laughing. Ward: Man! You fall for that all the time! Laguna: Fuckers! (Squall: Man what a douche bag!)  
  
Kiros: Hey we're heading off to the whore house. You just stay here, our treat.  
Ward and Kiros leave and Julia comes up. Julia: May I join you? * Laguna falls over* Laguna: Yeah! Julia: Want to talk in my room? Laguna: Huh? I mean Hell yeah! (Squall: Go get some!)  
She leaves and Laguna runs over people standing by, then goes to the concierge (the clerk). Laguna: I'm here to bone Julia, oh yeah! *does the Duff Man impression* The clerk sweat dropped and showed him.  
  
Julia: I've been waiting. Laguna: Oooh yeah! *Falls asleep* Julia: -_-;. * decides to have fun with him anyways*  
  
End Dream  
  
So how was it? HAHAHAHAHA! Julia raped Laguna! Whoa, hey that's a bad thing! You bitch! Anyways, hope to hear more from ya all. 


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own shit! Ooops.I mean I don't own Final Fantasy or  
anything else in here.  
Warnings: Swearing, violence, light Yaoi and more.  
Chapter 10: The Bitch Is Back!  
They walked up and groggily look around  
Selphie: Zell! *Smacks him*  
Zell: I didn't touch you!  
Squall: . Well everything seems normal.  
Selphie: Whoo. Still sleepy. Seriously I had such a nice dream.  
Squall: (Mine wasn't nice. I dreamt I was a horny loser!)  
Selphie: That man Laguna was sooo cute! He looked kind of familiar.  
Zell: What! There was a moron in my dream.  
Squall: Laguna, Kiros and fat ass Ward.  
Zell: You too?  
Squall: Shut up! Someone probably just sprayed drugs in here. Lets go.  
They exit the train and some potheads are laughing.  
Guy#1: Man, I didn't mean for that pipe to break!  
Guy#2: Thank Hyne no one was in the next room.  
Outside some strange kid runs up  
Strange Kid: I heard a porno shop burnt down.  
Squall: WTF! Who cares?!  
Zell: I think he's the dude with the Timber people.  
SK: My name is Watts. Come this way.  
They go to a yellow train and enter  
Squall: Blah, just lets go! Shut the fuck up all you guys do in here is  
yap yap yap!  
Zone: Ookay, I'm Zone incase you didn't see my name. Well can you wake up  
the bitch princess? She's in the last door.  
Squall: MOFO! Get her yourself I'm no messenger boy!  
Watts: Well Zone and I are wussies so can you?  
Squall goes, checks every room, eats all their food and uses the toilet  
without flushing. When he found the last door he entered. There was loud  
enough snoring to break glass. She woke up and seen him, she tried to be  
all sexy.  
Rinoa: Hey you're that babe from the party. *She swings around on him*  
Squall: Get the fuck off! *She stops and looks at him, there was no sign  
of intelligent life behind her eyes*  
Rinoa: So you're a SeeD?  
Squall: No I'm Santa Clause.  
Rinoa: You are!? Well I would like.Hey! You're not Santa!  
Squall: -_-; Just come on ho!  
Rinoa: Is there a Seifer with you?  
Squall: How the hell do you know him?  
Rinoa: Well I tried to sleep with him but he said he was with someone. I  
think he's gay.  
Squall: No he's not here.whatever you little bitch! Lets go.  
As they leave a dog runs in. Squall does some weird gestures  
Rinoa: Oh this is Angelo. He is soo smart. *She sees him walking away*  
Rinoa: Hey! Wait up! *She runs after him*  
They run down the hallway and introduces Selphie and Zell  
Zone: We have to brief on the mission.  
They enter the room  
Rinoa: Ok so you do this wait for this do the codes then we beat the  
President. Any questions?  
All: What? @_@  
They explain 100 more times then they get it, well not really  
They end up on top of the train and Squall tried to do the codes.  
Squall: Shit! *Finally he takes out the bazooka and blows up the train  
carts with those damn code boxes .*  
Squall: All right, lets go.  
All: *_*' *They go to their cart*  
Rinoa: Ok, lets get ready to negotiate with President Deling.  
Selphie: Don't you mean President Dick head!?  
Squall: Yeah. We're ready already! Lets get that cow screwer!  
All: Okay  
They somehow get to the Presidents cart  
Rinoa: President Deling, if you come quietly your blow doll will be safe  
President: And if I don't Bitch! *Gets up* I can get any lady I want.  
Well anyways you're so dumb! I'm not the real MOFO! MWHAHA!  
Battle  
Fake President: I'll grind your bones with my mighty hips. *Does Ricky  
Martin shake*  
Zell: My eyes!  
Squall: Oh shut up! Your mom runs a whorehouse!  
FP: Really? Where?  
Zell: Shut up! Duel! *Does his limit break, thought he's not hurt. It's  
pissed off power!!*  
FP: That sucks! Take this! *Punch's him*  
Zell acts drunk  
Squall: Oh hell! *Punch's Zell then gives him a potion*  
Selphie: Yo fools! Knock it off! *Whips FP in the balls with her  
Nunchaku*  
FP: @.@ Shit! *Turns into a monster*  
Gerogero: Wha ha ha! Such little bitches!  
Squall throws a Phoenix Down in the air and shoots it, lands on Gerogero  
Gerogero: Cool! *Dies*  
Fanfare plays  
Squall: This time I'm glad to hear the music!  
All: ?_? Huh?  
Squall: Lets go back. I need Sake!  
Zell: What? You need a suck?  
Squall hits him with his Gunblade.  
  
Whooo! Sorry about the lack of updates. They locked my account, I don't  
know what was wrong with this one story they took off, it wasn't any racier  
than any others. Anyways hope you enjoy it and hope this doesn't get  
blasted off. 


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 8 or anything with Squaresoft. (Soon, soon) Warnings: Swearing, light Yaoi, some violence. This is not NC-17 so don't say it is! .. You know who you are!  
  
Chapter 11: Crap  
  
Timber  
  
They debrief and decide to go to the pub. Squall: Damn it! Hey look a TV Station. *Thinks* Maybe those soldiers are here; remember in Dollet they were screwing with that satellite dish? Selphie: Yeah! Rinoa: We need to go through the pub, lets ask the locals.  
So they went around asking people and finally Squall breaks into a women's house. Women: Hey! If you're looking for the pub it's down some stairs. Now get the hell out!  
They leave and finally find some stairs and see some Soldiers. Soldier #1: Man they have good booze, but no Farm Animal Fetish place. Soldier #2: I know! That's so rude!  
Squall decapitates the before they were seen and takes their cars.  
  
They enter the pub Squall: Yeah I'll take vodka with ice. Bartender: You're a little young child. Squall: Fine. *They go to he back door where a wino is sitting in front of the door* Squall: We need to get through. Drunker: Yeah well I need a drink. *Guzzles a bottle down*  
Squall grabs him by the neck and throws him across the room Squall: Ok it's clear. Drunker: You f***ing punk! *Throws the empty bottle across the room*  
  
They go through the alley and up the stairs ignoring those brats hanging out the window. They stop at a giant TV. Zell: An outdoor TV! Sweet! Squall: Yeah.whatever.  
Rinoa and Squall have a dumb ass fight and she runs. Selphie: Shut up their starting!  
  
The screen starts and some idiots are running out Man: Well I'm here to tell about the MOFO president. Deling: Well I'm here to say the new Ambassador is a bitch Sorceress named Edea.  
There was a noise and Seifer crashed on a tractor in, running over many soldiers than grabbed the President. Seifer: Hi oh silver away! *They ride off stage and Quistis ran in* Quistis: Timber team get your asses over here! Squall: Well let's go.  
They run in and see Quistis standing there. Quistis: He went over there. *Points where they see Seifer holding his Gunblade to the President's crotch* Zell: Yo Garden will be so pissed! Selphie: Dumb ass! *Runs him over with the tractor* Zell: X_X *Squall uses a Phoenix Down*  
  
President: I already knew that only tards like you could be from Garden. Seifer: Come on! *Drags him somewhere* Edea: Leave that ass and come one bitch! I'll make your sex life with your honey 1000 times better. Seifer: Hear I am! *Leaves and Edea freezes the others for a short time*  
When they unfreeze Squall is pissed. Squall: He left! Rinoa runs up. Rinoa: Is Seifer here? I had seen him on the TV. Squall: Bitch he's mine! Rinoa: O.O. *Runs away crying*  
Squall and the others follow. Watts: They found our base and stole all of our nudie mags! Rinoa: Well as long as everyone is safe. Watts and Zone: F*** you bitch! It took forever to get those!  
  
They run back to the pub where the owner came and told them to follow. Zell tried going to the hotdog vender, but was beaten and dragged back.  
  
Squall: Screw this! Just give us some items and we'll go! Quistis: We need to go to the nearest Garden, so it will be the Galbadia Garden.  
Squall runs into some people, beat them and stole their tickets. They run to the train where Selphie stole the kids candy, leaving them crying. Squall: Ok, now we go through some forest? All: Yes. It was actually said 100 times! Squall: Fine bitch!  
They head onto the train and head off.  
  
Hope you liked it! Please review, oh please! 


	12. Chapter 12:

Chapter 12: The Dumb Ass's return!  
The train stopped out in the middle of nowhere and they got out  
looking around.  
Zell: Ok, now which forest do we go through?  
All: (Shrugs)  
So they try every forest until they find Egypt and the pyramids.  
Selphie: I think we took a wrong turn somewhere.  
2 hrs later they find the one between the two rock or mountains.  
Really it was a toxic dump site so Shhhhhhh! They enter the bushy forest.  
Quistis: We're not too far from Galbadia Garden, just follow the road.  
Munchkins: Follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow."  
Squall: Hey get the fuck out of here! This ain't your show!  
They walk away giving obscene gestures and Rinoa turns to him  
Rinoa: Why do you have to be a dickhead!?  
Squall: Get off my back bitch!  
Selphie: Oh shit! (she falls unconscious)  
Quistis: @.@. Swirly colors! (falls unconscious also)  
Squall: Whate.(goes also)  
Stupid Dream  
Laguna, Ward and Kiros run around aimlessly  
Laguna: Wow! What a awesome strip club!  
Ward: Ya dumb fuck! (kicks him down a ladder and they end up somewhere  
shiny)  
Kiros: Well we should go right I'm thinking. (this is where the 2nd key  
or 1st however you see it)  
Laguna: Look a key! (unlocks a door and a grizzly bear mauls him)  
Kiros: Goddamn it! (uses a Phoenix Down)  
Laguna: Ya bastard! (shoots the bear)  
Ward: Lets go.  
They walk until they come to the detonator  
Laguna: @_@' Buttons! Shiny Buttons!  
Kiros: No, now.  
Laguna push's the button and the place explodes sending them flying.  
Ward:.(uses a Phoenix Down on the other two)  
Kiros: Laguna! What the hell!? Now Ward's lost his voice!  
Laguna: Hey! It's not all my fault! Blame it on the Button!  
Kiros: -_-. You are so stupid.  
Laguna: Fine ya bitch! (kicks both of them over the cliff)  
Laguna: Yah, how do you like that? (gets too close and falls over)  
Shiiiiit!  
End Dream  
They woke up and Quistis is drooling  
Selphie: Awww man! I just got to the shaggin part!  
Squall: There was none.  
Selphie: ^.~. Maybe not in yours.  
Quistis: Well let's go!  
They all left except Rinoa.  
Rinoa: Squall.I'm really sorry.  
All: That's a tree dip ass! He left.  
Rinoa: (cries and leaves)  
When they leave a bunch of fangirls come and take clipping where the  
grass and dirt was touched.  
TBC 


	13. Chapter 13:

Chapter 13: Another Garden @.@  
They leave the forest and find the next Garden.  
Zell: Hey were as big as the Garden!  
Squall: Bow down lowly Morals!  
Quistis slaps them both  
Quistis: Knock that shit off!  
Squall: (pouts) Mega Bitch!  
They enter the Garden walk inside  
Old Man: Hey you damn kids!  
Zell: ?.?  
Squall: Were not doing anything prick!  
The old man runs away yelling  
Old Man: Rape! They're trying to rape me!  
The announcement bell rang  
Guy: We got word that some MOFO's from Balamb Garden are here. Please  
come to the 2nd floor reception room  
Rinoa: They must be psychic!  
Quistis: Idiot. No you guys go I'll be there soon.  
So they run around and get lost even thought it's easy to see where  
the stairs are. Squall took a shower and some students watched. The  
fangirls from the forest come in and quickly take pictures.  
Squall: What the hell!? Knock the crap out!  
Squall finally arrives in the room and looks around.  
Squall: Come on bitch! We don't have all day!  
Quistis walks in  
The scene is cut out and they end up outside waiting for that Martin  
dude.  
Squall: Seifer isn't dead idiots, I can feel his life force.  
Zell: ?.?  
Squall: There's the dipshit!  
Martin runs over some students and hops out.  
Martin: Blah.here's your orders; I want to watch Baywatch for Christ's  
sake!  
Squall: A sniper? Cool! It's my turn bitch!  
Martin: You don't have one! Irvine get your ass over here.  
Scene where the butterfly lands on his finger  
Irvine: Bang (the bug growls and eats him, burping he flies away)  
Irvine: X_X  
Martin: *_*. Ok. Irvine #2!  
The new Irvine walks out.  
Squall: I'll be the sniper damn it!  
Martin: Too bad pretty boy!  
As Martin leaves squall takes Irvine's gun and shoots the  
headmaster's head off his shoulders.  
Students: Yeah! Celebrate good times! (Cheers and has a party)  
Irvine: Ok, why am I suppose to come with ya all?  
Squall: Well were suppose to ice that bitch Sorceress Edea  
Quistis: We need to go to Deling City  
Selphie: Why?  
Quistis: Well I suppose it says right here (Points to the paper Squall is  
holding)  
Irvine: Well let me pick the team (picks himself, Selphie and Squall)  
Squall: Fine  
Quistis and Rinoa: (whines) What about us!? (They stomp their foot and  
Zell follows them)  
Zell: Clingy bitches  
They leave and find the train station  
Squall: Out of our way douche bags! (kicks some students down the steps,  
Selphie stomps on them on their way down.)  
Ticket Guy: That's 3,000 Gil  
Selphie: How about 250 Gil?  
Ticket Guy: WTF!? It's non-negotiable  
Squall: How about I give you this for the tickets? (Shows him the item)  
Ticket Guy: Ok, but don't tell anyone I did this  
They enter the train and the Ticket Guy runs to his computer and  
scans the item. Now all over the Internet is the picture of Zell and the  
hot dogs.  
TBC  
Please Review! (Cracks whips) 


	14. Chapter 14:

Chapter 14: ????Nothing????  
During the train ride Irvine tried molesting Selphie.  
Selphie: Pig! (Kicks him across the head and in the balls)  
Irvine: X_X (falls over clutching his crotch)  
They get off and skip to the streets and steal a bus, taking it to  
Caraway mansion. After getting directions from a Zebra. They walk up  
to a guard and spoke to the MOFO.  
Guard: You can't come in.  
Irvine: Ya fool where here to see that Caraway guy!  
Guard: Well basically you need to go to the Tomb of The Unknown King and  
bring a number from a student's sword.  
Squall: (points his Gunblade to his throat) This is our answer.  
Guard: O.O Your right, please go in!  
They all go in and Irvine pockets some figurines to pawn off. The  
others are there and waiting.  
Zell: Man he's never getting here!  
Squall: Watch your depends.  
Zell: You son-of-a bitch!  
General Caraway walks in  
Caraway: Blah blah blah. I'll show you where to go on this computer. Now  
Sniper Team goes here, Gateway Team here, oh fuck it! You know!  
Squall: Irvine and I will make up the Sniper Team.  
Zell: Le me be the leader!  
Squall: No. How about someone not retarded or hyper. Quistis you're the  
leader.  
Caraway: Well Rinoa stays here, she's too stupid to come with.  
All: Fine with us.  
Caraway: Well get the hell to your spots! (he leaves taking a bong with  
him)  
Rinoa: Glad he's gone! He's not my real father you know?"  
Squall and Irvine Leave to their spot.  
Selphie: (sniffs the air) man you smell like Tuna!  
Rinoa leaves crying and the Gateway Team is locked in.  
Zell: Hey! There's no way out! (Goes around the room pounding for a way  
out and breaks a statue, and a small passage way emerges) Cool!  
They go down and around a few times.  
Selphie: Damn it where not going to get there in time!  
They stop and hear the parade starting. On the surface a float was  
turning around and people were break dancing. On the float Sorceress Edea  
and George Bush were. Rinoa stumbled and fell on the President Deling  
killing him.  
Rinoa: Oh God no! (She runs and crash's the Iguion's party)  
Iguion #1: Hey ho! Get the fuck out!  
Iguion #2: Lets kick her ass!  
Switches to Squall and Irvine.  
Irvine: Lets go!  
Squall: Hey Seifer is on the float!  
Irvine: Come on man!  
They run low to the ground and halfway gets mauled by the fangirls.  
They then enter the tower and walk in on the Iguions beating Rinoa with  
brass knuckles.  
Squall: WTF!  
Iguions: Lets get them!  
Battle:  
Iguion #1: Man look at those two!  
Iguion #2: Are you two a couple?  
Squall: No!  
Irvine: But I'm willing to try! (Squall hits him taking 100 HP)  
Irvine: Whoa! (Hits Squall back taking 50 HP)  
Iguion: Enough! Garbage Breath!  
Irvine: X_X  
Squall: For crying out loud! (Uses a Phoenix Down)  
Irvine: @.@  
Squall: Shiva I need your help baby.  
Shiva appears and the Iguions start coming onto her.  
Iguion #1: Hey babe!  
Iguion #2: How about a threesome?  
Shiva growls and impales them on ice spikes from her eyes and  
disappears.  
Fanfare plays:  
Squall: -_-. Whatever come one and stop humping my leg Rinoa. (She gets  
off his leg and clutch's on him as they go to the spot and Irvine grabs the  
rifle. He sits down and becomes quiet.)  
Squall: Yo what's wrong?  
Rinoa: Oh I'm fine.  
Squall: I wasn't talking to you whore!  
Irvine: (cries) I can't do it! I never killed before!  
Squall: O_O. It's so easy! Oh man!  
Switches back to Gateway Team  
Zell: (pants) Man! This is going on forever. We'll die! There's no  
food or drink!  
Selphie: )_(. No sugar! (Growls and twitches) Motha Fuckas get out of  
my way! (Barrels through the walls and the others follow where they find a  
ladder and a Mountain Dew machine. They got in place just in time sipping  
Mountain Dew)  
Zell: Flip the switch! Whoa! I can see down the Sorceress's dress! ^_^  
Quistis flips the switch and the bars go down, accidentally impales  
some of the break-dancers.  
Bush is pissed as is Edea and glare at eh camera.erp!  
Back to more bitches.  
Squall: Just shoot damn it!  
Irvine: I can't!  
Squall: Relax. When you shoot you can keep her body on ice and have fun  
with it.  
Irvine: Eww! How about a date with me?  
Squall: Whatever dick just shoot!  
He shoots and is stopped by a Korean Missile.  
Squall: ?_?. Oky. (Jumps off and retarded enough doesn't break any bones  
and kills some soldiers. He comes to the float where there's a close up of  
Seifer's crotch)  
Seifer: (points his Gunblade a cocking noise is heard) Better keep going.  
(It goes up to his face then)  
He climbs the float and Bush laughs.  
Bush: Idiot we will bring you down with children's dreams of a higher  
education! (Laughs)  
Edea: What a dick! Oh hell just die! (Seifer looks at her)  
Seifer: I'm not fighting him! He's my honey! ^.^  
Edea: Pussy! (Kicks him in the balls and he falls) Now we fight! (Rinoa  
and Irvine jump in)  
Battle:  
Bush: Losers!  
Edea: Man I'm getting tried of your ass! (Sends him to another dimension)  
Edea: Ok, now! Damn nothing but yak yak yak!  
Rinoa: Enough! Carbuncle! (Carbuncle some, but instead of RubyLight he  
pisses on Edea and leaves with naughty laughter)  
Squall: LOL!  
Irvine: LOL!  
Rinoa: LOL!  
Edea: You bitches! (Does her limit break and throws Ice Javelins. One hit  
Squall because he couldn't get Rinoa in front of it sooner.)  
Squall: Oh shit man! (Falls off and goes unconscious)  
Fangirls: You Bitch! (Beats the crap out of Edea until police comes and  
arrests them.)  
END OF DISC ONE.  
Review damn it!!!!!!!!!!! 


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